What Living in a Tech Mecca has Taught me About: Poverty, Lies, and Dating Insecure Engineers
Is he Dead?
People were gathered in a way that suggested some socially unacceptable act had just occurred. Some had their phone screens positioned at the scene and absolutely no one was helping.
I stopped my car. What I saw was a man lying on the ground seemingly unconscious. Another car pulled up; I asked “do you have any Narcan”? They said no but called an ambulance.
That was the first time I saw someone die of a drug overdose on the streets of Seattle, and it wouldn’t be the last.
This is something people living in Seattle are used to seeing and explains the nonchalant reaction to seeing a brown man on the ground, in jeans with a store security tag still attached to them; unconscious from an overdose.
If something like this were to happen in the sleepy college town I grew up in it would be front page news.
Not in Seattle.
Doing Drugs at Bus Stops
I never use public transportation. Yes; I am bougie, and privileged. But it is important to note that I myself know dark times, homelessness, and the realities of having to steal food.
Homelessness in Seattle still was not something I was prepared for. I came to the city to be close to nature, smart young engineers, and pursue freedom.
What I found (at first) was a mild depression, a failing school system, and people who were seemingly avoiding the harsh realities of those that were less fortunate.
It quickly became apparent to me that this city was not at all what I expected, but was everything I needed.
That may sound weird as my daily routine consisted of dropping my daughter off at a school that looked nice but was dealing with children who were the product of a pandemic and too much exposure to the internet.
I also had to drive past people who were smoking little black, blue, or yellow rocks off of foil that hadn’t known a shower in months.
Needless to say my dream of a calm, nature filled city full of hot single engineers was quite the opposite.
I Want my Next Boyfriend to Drive a Tesla
Dating in Seattle is simply nonexistent for many people. There is something called the “Seattle Freeze” that any Seattle bloggers will happily teach you about, as if it’s something to be proud of.
I didn’t experience the freeze. I do realize that I have been blessed by the beauty Gods and have a body of an ex-ballerina who thinks doughnuts are for people with low self control. (I am working on my bias; more like i’m just willing to accept that I have them).
Getting people to swipe right on my dating profiles was no problem. However; after going out on a few dates I found that I really needed to narrow down my preferences.
I started going on dates with mildly attractive men just to get out and see what the scene was like. I did not enjoy it.
So I made of a criteria in my head of who I wanted to date. This included the type of car I wanted them to have, how much money they needed to be making, oh and they needed to live downtown in a high rise- preferably a penthouse, but I could compromise. What a silly little fool I was.
My dating preferences were based on my own insecurities , my lack of self love, and the fact that I thought a hot rich Tesla driving man would change how I ultimately felt about myself.
Manifesting Pain
My dream came true! Ultimately I was dating men who lived in South Lake Union, and was picked up for a date in a Tesla.
The $4,500 studio, and 1 bedroom apartments were unimpressive. So small, and the views weren't even that great. All that money to have a floor to ceiling window to look at the back of another building.
The Tesla was annoying. Beeping at literally everything, and the wood grain in the interior looked cheap.
Why had I thought this would make me happy, why had I done this to myself? Would I ever find a hot rich guy with a nice car to fix my insecurities about my own financial status?
No.
Being Enough for Myself.
Moving to this city, dating, and pursuing a career that would finally make me feel relevant, and on top of the world have taught me one thing.
That I am already enough.
There is nothing that you can obtain materialistically that is going to make you enough. This is a lie perpetuated by social media.
You are lying to yourself and you are consuming media that is lying to you.
Thinking that you are going to date your way to feeling like you are worthy of love is only going to leave you broken and damaged like you already are.
The one thing that I have learned is that who you are; is already enough, but it has to be enough for you.
Being insecure shows in ways that you don’t realize. When some men saw my outward appearance they would say things like “how can a girl like you be single” the painful answer… I made decisions against my self in the past, that left me unable to accept myself.
I didn’t think for myself, or honor the person I actually was. Being the only black ballerina, in an upper middle class family had lasting effects on my feeling of self acceptance. I was always playing a role, on and off the stage.
If you are struggling today you need to face the very harsh reality that you feel you are not enough, to date, to make 200k or whatever that thing is that you are desperately chasing- stop.
It will not make you happy. You will never be validated by dating a guy with a Tesla. Knowing, and accepting that you are already enough even with your flaws will get you to where you actually want to be.
Hi, I’m Nita. I write about tech, Seattle, Beauty and my personal journey. You can check out some more of my work here.
